


Forgotten Memories

by Summer Rain (Zeram)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2013-05-23
Packaged: 2017-12-12 19:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/814917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeram/pseuds/Summer%20Rain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene for "Remembrance"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgotten Memories

Forgotten Memories  
(Missing scene for “Remembrance”)  
by Summer Rain

Original pub Nov. 2003

Blair watched as Jim tossed and turned on the bed. He frowned when he looked at his watch and realized that he had been awake for a full thirty minutes without Jim noticing. That in and of itself was unusual. Usually, Jim would wake up a few minutes after he did. Blair had woken up, taken a shower, set the coffeemaker and climbed the stairs to the loft all without Jim noticing.  
He had hoped that by going to Jim's room, it would wake the other man. The fact that Jim didn't wake up meant that either he was very tired or he had gotten so used to his Guide's presence that the fact that Blair had ventured into the loft had not fazed him in the least. Blair preferred the second reason, but suspected it was the first.  
He checked his watch again. He had let Jim sleep as long as possible; any more and the detective would be late for work. Blair stood from where he had been sitting on the top step of the stairs and crossed over to the bed. He reached out to Jim and touched his shoulder, calling his name softly. Blair pulled back as he felt Jim tense under his hand, but wasn't quick enough and he found himself flipped onto the bed, trapped underneath the larger man. He bucked up to get the other man off of him only to have Jim press one arm against his chest, effectively slamming him back down to the bed.  
Blair stared up at the older man in shock, his concern increasing at the blank look on the other man's face.  
"Jim?" he asked, tentatively. The only sign that the other man had heard was the blinking of his eyes at the sound of his Guide's voice.  
Jim felt as if he were coming out of a fog. He thought he heard Blair calling to him, but wasn’t certain. It was so difficult to concentrate. He listened more closely for his Guide's voice. Slowly, his other senses began to come back on line.  
His sense of smell kicked in first. The familiar scent of Blair’s herbal shampoo tickled his nose. The smell of soap and aftershave filtered into his consciousness along with the other scents in the loft. His brain sifted through all the scents until he was left with just one. Blair’s scent. His Guide was near. Next he felt the warm body underneath him, perfectly still except for the rise and fall of the chest beneath his.  
It was the acknowledgment of that body that finally broke through the fog. He blinked at Blair, who stared up at him, eyes still wide in surprise.  
“Blair?” he asked.  
“Hey, big guy, welcome back,” Blair said shakily. He tried to shift, smiling up at Jim uncertainly when the larger man did not lift off of him.  
“Uh…Jim. I need to breathe, man.”  
“What?” Jim asked, confused.  
“I need to breathe. Can I get up?” Blair asked. He wasn’t really that out of breath; he just needed to put some distance between himself and Jim. The experience of being underneath the larger man’s body was very disconcerting to him. It was partly due to his concern for Jim, but also in part because he could feel his own body’s reactions to the nearness of the other man.  
He stilled as Jim’s gaze locked with his, some emotion that he could not decipher clouding the eyes of his Sentinel. Jim blinked and whatever emotion he had glimpsed was shuttered away again. He gasped as Jim let his head dip down as if still weary, his forehead resting on the mattress. His hair tickled Blair’s jaw, his breath brushing Blair’s shoulder, causing goosebumps to rise.

 

* * *

 

Jim breathed in the scent of his Guide once more before gathering his strength and lifting off the other man. He stood by the side of the bed quietly as Blair slowly sat upright. He winced as Blair rubbed at his chest where Jim had been pressing down with his arm.  
“I’m sorry,” Jim said quietly.  
Blair waved his hand dismissively, his worry for Jim far greater than any discomfort he might feel.  
“I’m fine, Jim. I’m more worried about you right now. What happened?”  
“I had a nightmare,” the older man said shortly.  
“I kinda guessed that…but what was it about? Covert ops? A case? Peru?” Blair asked curiously.  
“Covert ops?” Jim asked in surprise.  
“The way you flipped me over, man. You were totally on the defensive, as if you were in a combat situation or something,” Blair explained.  
“Oh. No, it wasn’t that,” Jim said finally. He took a few steps away from the bed, one hand coming up to rub his face as if he were still trying to wake up. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table and sighed.  
“Time to go to work, Chief,” he said.  
“Jim. We need to talk about this, man.”  
“Later, Sandburg. Right now all we need to do is get to work,” Jim countered, turning around to gather his clothing.  
Blair stood from the bed and walked over to his friend. The back was ramrod straight. The posture screamed out ‘Don’t touch me.’ Blair reached out tentatively, laying a hand on the tense shoulder.  
“Jim?”  
He waited for Jim to respond, frowning when the other man didn’t acknowledge him. He walked around the larger man, cursing softly when he saw the blank look on Jim’s face.  
“Shit, Jim. Two zones in less than fifteen minutes. Not good, man,” he said quietly. He began to stroke Jim’s shoulder gently. “Okay, Jim. I need you to come back to me,” he murmured softly, watching Jim’s face for any reaction. “Do you feel that on your shoulder, Jim? That’s me…my touch. I want you to focus on it. On me. My touch, my voice. Follow it back, Jim. Filter out everything but me.”  
He continued the soft litany of words, the content of his speech not as important as his touch or the soothing timbre of his voice. He grew more and more concerned with each passing second. They would never know enough about Jim’s senses and it was completely conceivable that given a prolonged zone, Jim could stop breathing.  
Blair stopped speaking when Jim finally blinked, though he kept stroking the other man’s shoulder.  
“Blair. W-what…”  
“You zoned. Again.” Blair shook his head. “I’m calling Simon to tell him you’ll be in late.”  
“Sandburg, I’m fine,” Jim argued.  
“No, you aren’t. When a nightmare starts affecting you even when you’re awake…” Blair began, reaching for the phone on the bedside table.  
“It was just a bad dream, Sandburg. No big deal,” Jim said, laying his hand over Blair’s to stop him from picking up the phone.  
Blair tugged his hand from underneath Jim’s, whirling angrily to face the other man. “No big deal! You flipped me over and pinned me to the bed. You scared the shit outta me and you say that’s no big deal?!?” he hissed angrily, his control finally snapping.  
Blair watched as Jim’s emotions fluttered across his face, the years of friendship giving him experience in reading the expressions. He watched his friend’s facial features go from anger to sadness to one last indecipherable expression before Jim finally reached up, one hand going to caress the side of Blair’s face.  
“I’m sorry, Blair. I would never want to scare you.”  
Blair gasped at the touch, which was at once light and searing.  
Just as quickly, though, Jim dropped his hand and turned away, breathing deeply as if to collect himself.  
Blair blinked rapidly. He felt as if he were in his own zone. He had been awake for less than an hour and in that span of time, had felt a multitude of emotions from anger to concern to now feeling just downright confused. He walked around the other man. Jim did not turn to him, but one look in to the other man's face convinced Blair he was not in a zone. Blair cleared his throat nervously, not quite sure what he was nervous about, but feeling as if something important were taking place. He just wished he knew what that something was.  
"Jim" he began, surprised at the huskiness in his own voice, "I'm going to go downstairs and I'm going to call Simon and tell him you’re going to be late. You, in the meantime, will take a shower, get dressed and come into the living room and then we are going to talk about what is bothering you."  
Blair stopped, expecting an argument from the detective, surprised when Jim merely nodded. He watched the other man for a moment longer before descending the stairs and grabbing the phone in the living room to call Simon.

 

* * *

 

Jim grabbed some clothes from the dresser and headed down the stairs. On his way to the shower, he passed by Blair, whose back was turned to him. The other man was talking on the phone to Simon.  
Jim paused for a moment, struck by the vision before him. The sunlight peeking through the clouds seemed to alight on Blair. The sun’s rays picked up the highlights in his hair. The ever-present five o'clock shadow had its own highlights not discernable to normal vision.  
There seemed to be a glow about the younger man. Jim wasn't sure if it could be attributed to the sun or if it was just a part of who the younger man was. There was a yearning within him that he couldn't identify. He wanted to be a part of that glow, to join with it, and it confused him. This yearning. This pull he felt towards his Guide. He shook his head, confused by his own thoughts, and continued on to the shower unaware that Blair had turned, feeling Jim's gaze on him.

 

* * *

 

Blair said goodbye to Simon and hung up the phone. He sat down on the sofa, breathing in deeply, trying to center himself. Before long, he heard a small cough to his right and he jumped slightly as he realized his Sentinel stood right beside him.  
Jim sat down with a mug in his hand, not looking at his Guide. He raised the mug to his lips as if to drink, but seemed to think better of it and set the mug down on the coffee table instead. He stared at the coffee mug for a moment before speaking.  
"Blair. I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't mean to...pin you to the bed like that," he said softly, feeling the flush in his face, but not understanding why.  
"It’s okay, Jim," Blair said, smiling up at his friend. He laid a hand on Jim's knee, needing to feel the connection between himself and his Sentinel. "Do you remember the dreams at all?" he asked in concern.  
"I don’t know. It’s like one big blur. A collection of images," Jim said, shaking his head.  
"Tell me what you can. Between the two of us, we might be able to make sense of this. You can’t continue like this," Blair added softly.  
Jim nodded. Blair was right, of course. He took a deep breath and reached down for his Guide's hand, which rested on his knee. He looked at the other man and, at the encouraging smile, he grasped Blair's hand tightly as if it were a lifeline and dove into his memories

 

* * *

 

"It starts out with Bud lying on the ground just like when I saw him when I was a kid,  
but it’s different somehow. There’s a different feel to the scene,” Jim began, eyes narrowing in concentration. "There’s a woman there. I can't see her face, but she seems so familiar.  
It switches abruptly from there. We’re at home. My father is telling me how important it is to fit in.” Jim frowned as he continued,  
"My mom is there; she looks so sad and she's shaking her head at what he's saying. She turns away from him and cocks her head, standing up and walking over to the door. It's the neighbors coming to speak to my mom. How did she know they were there?" he asked, looking at Blair, eyes wide  
Blair could feel the shock in his system at the implication of Jim's dream, but like any scientist, he needed more evidence. He shook his head, not wanting to speculate. He shifted so that he completely faced Jim, his other hand coming forward to clasp the Sentinel's hand.  
Jim looked down to the sight of both of Blair's hands around his. It was so much like their relationship, in a way. Blair surrounded him; the younger man was involved in almost every aspect of his life. And Jim wouldn't have it any other way.  
He shook his head, smiling wryly. Blair had given him the title ‘Blessed Protector’ long ago. Jim would never admit it to the other man, but he was the one who felt protected whenever Blair was around. He trusted Blair and it was enough to calm him as he felt panic set in at what was being revealed by his dreams.  
"Jim. I want you to take a deep breath and center yourself. There’s more to the dream," Blair said, scooting closer to his partner. "We'll find out the answers together, big guy," he said, smiling as Jim nodded slightly and followed his suggestions.  
Jim kept his eyes closed, letting Blair's words wrap around him like a shield as he delved deeper into the dream.  
"I can hear them arguing,” he murmured. "They’re getting loud. I take Stephen downstairs to watch TV so he won't hear them. I wish I didn't hear them," he added softly.  
"What are they saying, Jim?"  
"They're yelling at each other. She sounds so sad," Jim said softly, seemingly unaware of Blair’s question.  
"What are they saying, Jim?" Blair asked again, encouraging Jim to keep going when he paused. Jim blinked several times; his gaze focusing on Blair’s again before he finally answered.  
“He's calling her an unfit mother. Says she's crazy and that I take after her. The both of us hearing voices and seeing things we shouldn't."  
Blair felt Jim’s hand clench between his as the older man’s shoulders visibly sagged.  
“She stopped arguing with him and the next day she was gone. She left us a note saying that she loved us, but that she had some problems to work out. My God, how could I have forgotten about this?” Jim asked, his other hand going up to rake over his short hair.  
“It’s just like your time in Peru, Jim. You repressed it until now. It was a confusing time for you. On the one hand, having these senses you apparently shared with your mom, and on the other hand, getting the message, though never stated outright, that it was wrong to have these abilities.”  
Jim nodded thoughtfully before extricating his hand from Blair’s grasp and standing to walk out onto the balcony. There was a slight nip in the air since it was still fairly early in the morning and Blair shivered slightly as he followed his partner outside.  
“Was she a Sentinel?” Jim asked, a tinge of wonder in his tone.  
“She could have been, or at the very least, she had several enhanced senses,” Blair responded. He raised his hand and rested it on the small of Jim’s back as he noticed a slight trembling in the large frame. He grew concerned as Jim stood there, staring out into the sky, the trembling growing in strength. "Jim?"  
There was no response from the other man. Blair walked forward to look up into the taller man's face. He half expected to see the blank look Jim often got on his face when he was in the middle of a zone.  
But that wasn’t what he saw.  
Jim was very much aware. His face was anguished, but it was an anguish of the past and it was where Jim was lost now.  
Blair wasn't even aware when his hand went up to caress Jim's face. It seemed like a natural thing to do. It wasn't a conscious decision to press closer to the Sentinel. And he definitely didn't plan to reach up and brush his lips softly against Jim’s. But he did all those things. It seemed so right to comfort Jim in this way. And he knew it was right when Jim shuddered and then gathered him close, as if he were a shield against the pain of his memories.  
"Oh, God, Blair. I-I cant believe all this time...not knowing," Jim whispered brokenly into Blair’s hair.  
The grad student ran his hands over Jim's back, trying to soothe the other man. It was long moments before the trembling stopped. He felt Jim pull back and he let go reluctantly. He looked up into the saddened crystal blue eyes of his friend and saw that same indecipherable expression he had seen before up in the loft.  
"What she must have gone through... If only there had been someone to help her then." Jim smiled softly down at his friend, some of the sadness leaving his eyes. "Like you. I'm so glad you found me, Blair," he added, before he bent down towards the younger man and kissed him. It was a gentle kiss that sent a warmth all throughout Blair's body.  
Only the need to breathe separated them and, even then, they stayed within the circle of each other's arms. They looked into each other’s eyes, each smiling at the emotions that were plain to see.  
It hit Blair that the expression he had been trying to decipher was a look of love that perhaps Jim himself had not been aware of. Jim was well aware now and took comfort in knowing with certainty that the feeling was returned.  
"Thank you, Blair."  
"For what, big guy?" Blair asked, smiling up at his Sentinel.  
"For being here for me. For letting me know that I don’t have to be alone like my mother was...and for loving me as much as I love you," Jim said.  
“I’ll always be here for you,” Blair said, smiling up at his partner fondly before drawing Jim once more into his embrace.

 

* * *

 

Blair looked down into his partner's face. Jim's features were relaxed, his breathing steady. The older man's head rested on his shoulder, one arm slung over Blair's middle. Jim looked totally at peace in what was probably his first real sleep in weeks. Blair tightened his arm around his lover as he saw Jim frown slightly.  
"You’re not alone, love," he whispered softly to the Sentinel.  
He watched as Jim's lips curves slightly in a smile before the detective snuggled deeper into his Guide's embrace, knowing that he was safe in Blair's arms.

\--end--


End file.
